Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps

Neuroscientists say our brains rewire themselves as we perform activities. “Practice makes perfect.” “Muscle memory.” These are everyday phrases for that rewiring, for turning new and unfamiliar activities into ones we can do without thinking.

Internationally best-selling authors Barbara and Allan Pease wrote Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps after years studying the differences between male and female brains. Their conclusion: men and women really are “wired differently,” and they perceive the world around them differently, with real implications for communication and task management.

The authors argue that as our caveman ancestors hunted, their brains got better at the things hunting required: navigation and orientation (so they could find their way home) and focusing intently while tuning out their surroundings (so they could track and kill prey). As our cavewomen ancestors cared for their families, their brains developed many more connections between the left and right lobes, producing enhanced peripheral vision (to keep track of who was where, and of approaching threats) and a capacity for multitasking and rapid attention-switching (to manage a broader range of activities at once).

This explains how a woman in a roomful of people can be aware of several social dynamics 30 feet away while her mate remains clueless. How a man engrossed in a book or a TV program doesn’t respond when his name is called, to focus, his brain turns down his hearing. Why, when an attractive woman passes, men turn their heads, but when a striking man passes, women appear not to notice (studies suggest women look just as much; their superior peripheral vision simply means they don’t have to turn their heads and get caught).

We tend to assume other people experience the world the way we do. They don’t. For both genders, understanding how the other’s perception of reality differs from your own can turn conflict into conversation, and produce better results. It isn’t that men are “not listening” or ignoring you; it’s that their brains have turned down the volume in order to focus. It isn’t that women aren’t being “rational”; it’s that they’re holding more of the situation in mind at once, and seeing a different set of facts.

Men may be more effective at tasks that demand intense focus. Women may be more effective where multitasking and social dynamics decide the outcome. Understanding those differences (and deliberately leveraging them) can give a business a real edge.